My dear Mikael…
8 months have past and every single day I have a moment where I am stunned into the reality that all too soon you will be grown out of this sweet stage of baby coos and drooly nuzzles. There was a time I wasn’t certain how being your Mama would be any different than your brother. But over time, I’ve found my love for you is uniquely ours. Loving you is not the same because you are not the same, my darling boy.
I love the precious look you have on your face as you stare up at me from your carrier. As I’m bustling from one corner of the kitchen to the next, your eyes always draw me in, begging for me to pause as I cradle your round, fuzzy head in my hands to kiss your tiny nose.
You need lots of snuggles that I am all too happy to give to you. I look forward to the time of day where I am rocking you to sleep, running my fingers over your hair, brushing the little tuft away from your cherub face, as I trace your eyebrows down the bridge of your nose. Your tiny fingers lightly and rhythmically scratch at the extra squoosh on the side of my waist as you nurse yourself to sleep.
I’ve broken so many of my mom rules giving you every reason in the world to wake in the middle of the night expecting me to come be at your side. And though I am disturbed out of my own much needed sleep, I cherish those drowsy moments to hold you longer and breathe you in deeper. Because those moments are ours, and ours alone.
While the rest of the house sleeps silently, I find the sound of your breathe over the whoosh of the white noise. I feel the gusts of wind as you let out deep sighs as symbols that you're dreaming deeply. I place my hand over yours as your fingers lay perfectly and peacefully flush on my chest. I cradle you in both my arms, inches from my face as I softly kiss your eyes. Sometimes I wake you with those kisses, but it buys me more time to settle you again.
And because these moments for just you and me are so rare, your breathe seems to smell sweeter and your cries seem to hit my heart harder. Because you are my second, I want to give you more of me.
I love you so much dear boy. You bring so much delight and warmth to my life. I pray you remember that always.
